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Money, Marriage, and Migraines

With the recent tanking of the economy and stock market, my husband and I have arranged an appointment with each other at 10:30 a.m. on Saturday morning to discuss each and every investment we have.


I look forward to these engagements with trepidation, because we have the classic marriage…one is a risk-taker and the other not so much. I’m the not so much one. Also, a male brain and a female brain are miles apart in how they process. Sometimes we arrive at the same basic financial conclusion, but I wonder if it’s worth all the gnashing of teeth and eyerolling and clamped lips to get there. I mean…I could just say, go for it, Jim! But the controller rises up in me with big, sharp, claws and hisses in my ear…what are you DOING? So I can’t just…let go of this. He is a huge risk-taker, investment-wise. I can’t see, in this current economy, how we could do any worse, but still. I want to take the reins on some of the decisions.

I’m reminded of my past life…a mishmash of crises and horrible decisions…and when I naively tossed all the financial situations to an ex-husband. Talk about a train wreck. I didn’t even see it coming, but I learned a huge lesson – no matter how difficult the discussions become, don’t bail on becoming involved in the family finances. My husband has a better head for numbers than I do, but my bottom-line instincts and common sense are better than his. Thus, we make a good team. We are frustrated with each other sometimes, but whatever. What marriage doesn’t have its frustrations?

Recently I read in some article that financial issues are the number one cause of divorce. I’d thought for a long time it would be infidelity, but nope. Finances. I thought that was interesting, and it highlighted for me how important it is in a marriage to be diligent about saving, investing, and spending.

My husband and I have very different ideas about spending, too.

Jim is a foodie. He admits it. He embraces it. He loves it. I like to surround myself with beauty, and that includes makeup, clothes, furnishings, nature. I’d much rather spend money on those things than food. Jim is horrified at this concept. I think it’s hilarious and unnecessary for him to clutch food to his chest like a teddy bear. This difference makes for some convoluted and difficult conversations around his constant treks to Harris Teeter, Publix, or his favorite, Wal-Mart. On the other hand, he never says a word about my various treks to Belk, Ulta, Marshall’s, and Homegoods.

We have an interesting dynamic in our marriage. Well, I call it interesting, my kids tell me to lay off Jim. I’m not the most patient woman, but I’m working on it. One way I work it out is writing. I recently wrote a short story about a thorn in my flesh for fifteen years with my husband…his desire for rockin’, rollin’, ear-splitting bass. In fact, we’ve crossed swords about this so often it’s become a (bad) joke. So I wrote a story about it. You can find it in the awesome “Rock, Roll, & Ruin” Carolinas Sister in Crime Anthology that just released. It’s titled ‘The Day the Migraine Died’. It was quite the cathartic exercise. I laughed all the way through typing it. You can get the ebook for $3.99. 27 stories from mystery and suspense authors, including mine. Forward by Hank Phillipi Ryan.

Find out more about this great anthology here! And tell me what you think of ‘The Day the Migraine Died’.

#investmentstrategies #marriageandfinances #marriagehumor


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