A woman’s mouth can move faster than any other part of her body.
I discovered this last Saturday when I was invited to speed-walk with a group of women.
I showed up in Nikes, hastily applied make-up (the days are long gone where I can zing out of the house without make-up – it would scare people) and an energetic attitude.
I really needed the attitude.
I arrived a little late, a passive-aggressive response to my niggling resentment about a 9 a.m. appointment on a Saturday.
I approached the track at the YMCA and head-swiveled, locating them easily after a few seconds of squinting. They were the ones whose mouths, arms, and legs were pumping like mad, leaving a trail of conversational fumes in their wake.
I waited for them to whoosh by, took aim, and leaped into the group. They all smiled, briskly introduced themselves, and resumed their discussions, never missing a beat.
I felt like I had stumbled into a human whisk, and I was the omelet.
Since my two-year sabbatical from full-time employment, I have become much more relaxed in my approach to life. Conversation is filled with thoughtful pauses, meaningful sharing and phrases like “finding my purpose,” and “focusing on priorities.”
These women were serious about their tempo, and it was set to “presto.” (You musical buffs, know exactly what this means. For you non-musical buffs, “presto” is the Italian equivalent of the American word “presto,” which means really, really fast.)
I was delighted to find that I rather enjoyed the mental exercise.
For every three words out of my mouth, my companion countered with 25. By lap four, I was matching her word for word.
We were so deeply enmeshed in speed-talking, that we began to fall behind in the speed-walking part. At one point, the rest of our group paused and turned toward us with question marks on their faces.
“What’s keeping you?” they asked, as we caught up and they energetically resumed leg and arm pumping.
My companion explained we were talking about ex-husbands. I explained they needed to stop us because it was getting depressing. They looked at each other and responded that they had no experience with ex-husbands.
My walk-mate and I glanced at each other with expressions similar to those that have endured the horrors of war and emerged triumphant, but scarred, on the other side; shrugged, and acknowledged the fact that speed-talking is not a level playing field.
To have maximum impact, a common life experience may be an important consideration.
We let the group whoosh on ahead, content that our mouths might outpace our legs, but at least one part of our body was getting a really, really good workout.
Afterward, the women asked me to join them for coffee at a local deli. I was a bit torn about this idea, because typically on a workout day, I do not use my facial muscles at all. I had tentatively planned to spend 20 minutes in the weight room, pumping other things besides my mouth.
The group stared at me expectantly, waiting for a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ to the coffee. I said yes, figuring speed-talking is an important exercise, too.
The weights could…well, wait.
We talked about everything, nothing, and in between. On this sunny, energetic Saturday morning, my mouth, jaw and brain muscles were fully pumped. If speed-talking was a team sport, we would have won the gold that day.
It was difficult to part ways, but we each had things to do, husbands to see, and laundry to avoid.
I smiled all the way home. Women need other women like plants need water. I had just treated myself to a long, satisfying blast from the hose.
The next day, I kept conversation to a minimum. My jaw muscles needed a recovery period
Article first published in The Capital Journal, “The Lighter Side,” Pierre, SD, March 2010